My life has not been like their experience. My parents were married all their lives and I have had one marriage and we are still very happy together. The blended family struggle is frankly not my experience, but here are a few things the group of young people taught me last night.
Blended families can cause…
- Loss of identity
- Loss of belief and increase doubt of everything
- Loss of faith
- Loss of direction
- Loss of trust in other people
- Loss of life long relationships
- Loss of purpose and direction
- Loss of hope
These were sobering realities for just about everyone in the room that night. They were told with personal stories and real pain.
Since I was learning so much I asked the group for some more information. I asked, “What is the real problem with blended families?” We mulled that one around for awhile trying to sort out symptoms from cause. Finally we came down to the conclusion that the real core issue behind all the other symptoms is the breaking of the family covenant.
Behind all the loss is the chaos that covenant breaking brings. If the people who brought you into the world can and will not keep their covenants then the children of that family grow up wondering if there is anything real in this world. Just coming to that realization was a life changing moment.
One young member of our group responded to the feeling of being abandoned in a blended family that he sought God and came to his own conclusion about what was real and not real based on the Bible. He filled the void of the covenant breaking with a covenant he made personally with God.
I asked the group to think of anyone that was a role model to them or bright spot in their lives. Some were alive, some dead, and some were far away, but they all had something in common that meant everything to these young people. Every one of these role models kept their word. They were covenant keepers. I asked them to think of these role models and then I asked them, “Were they Godly people?” Their response was “YES!”
Covenant and contracts is not the same thing. Covenants are a promise made between us and God. That Covenant is without loop holes. When we make a covenant you are expected to keep your end of the promise even if the other person does not keep theirs. A contract, on the other hand, is nonbinding if one person fails to keep up their end of the deal.
The group told me last night that most of their families were contract based relationships and not covenants. There were a few bright spots but not many.
So I shared a few simple truths from the Bible about covenants…
1. Covenants are made with God. He makes them; we discover them and agree to them. We can not draft them.
2. Covenants breakers cause no end of trouble for many people.
3. Covenant keepers bring blessings and help to more people than they will ever know.
4. Covenants are kept because of God, not because of other people. That is why they must be made with God, towards others.
5. It is impossible to keep a Covenant without God’s direct intervention.
6. A contract can never replace a covenant.
7. We can change our world by discovering the covenants that God wants to make us with us and keep them.
8, We will all break our covenants, but God will help us get back on course.
9. Don’t be quick to make a covenant before God to someone else, but first count the cost.
10. Breaking a Covenant will always cost more than keeping a Covenant made before God.
As you can tell we covered a lot of ground last night. Those young teenagers had a great deal of wisdom to share about relationships. In them I saw the seed bed of change for a better American culture as they decided to become Godly covenant keepers.
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